My brother Larry deserves the credit. Rest in Peace.
We were trapped in this Kroger this morning. The power was out, but we pried the doors open and scrambled inside. Two of the beasts were chasing us and one jammed its muzzle in before we shut the doors. By the time we got back to the loading dock, the second dog was waiting. Inside the store, we heard the oddly harmonious whine the dogs make.
We’ve heard the stories on how to kill these monsters; none of them work. Bullets, blades, can’t penetrate their hides. Drug-laced steaks put one head to sleep. Electroshock makes them twitchy, but still lethal.
Someone had left a can of rubbing alcohol on a shelf near the rubber dog toys. Larry filled a squeaky hedgehog, then tossed it to Fifizilla. The left head eagerly chewed it to confetti. When the dog approached, Larry flicked his Bic. The head caught fire (in its mouth; its coat was, of course, fireproof). The dog collapsed a moment later, but not before the right head shook Larry like a rag.
I got a tiki-torch from the summer clearance section and used it like a spear to ignite the dog at the loading dock.
I’ve taken all the chew toys from this store, but the Albertson’s on Fifth probably has some. Bakertown has a Petco. I’m headed there next.
Spread the word.
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