Monday, September 23, 2013

Short Story #68: Banned

Prompt (courtesy of Tipsy Lit): Write about a controversial topic in any way/genre you choose [in honor of Banned Books Week]. The below flash story is a heretofore unwritten scene from my unpublished (unpublishable?) Christian Zombie manuscript, Revival. Enjoy! (Word count: 258)

* * * * *
Jay Petty slouched against the counter of Emory’s Mercantile, called to Del Norris. “There goes another of ’em.”

“Shhhhhhhh!” Norris sputtered, spraying semi-liquefied Snickers bar over a pile of jeans. “We don’t need their attention.”

“Whaddya figger they are? Zom—”

“Nuts to the Z-word.”

Petty pried open the cash drawer, pocketed the twenties. “Oh, corpses’re wandering the streets, but nuts to the Z-word.”

A pile of tin cans toppled, followed by a cat’s yowl.

The handful of quarters Petty had fished out of the tray scattered on black-and-white tile floor. Norris coughed up the gob of candy he’d involuntarily swallowed.

“Damn that cat. Why’d you let him in?”

“Din’t. Come in on its own. So why’s the Z-word out?”

“Things don’t eat brains. Al Prescott’s dead grandpa grabbed ahold of Nan Akers. Snapped her neck like a Slim Jim. Dragged her off toward the water plant.”

Petty reconsidered the meatstick halfway to his mouth. “What are they, then?”

“Some sort of hive-mind walking-dead conglomerate.”

“Oh, that’s good. Look out, here come members...associates, maybe...of the hive-mind walking-dead conglomerate. You’d be dead before you got out the word hive. Zombies is efficienter.”

“It’s wrong though. Zom—” A withered hand grabbed Norris’ neck, squeezed, sent chocolate streaming down his chin as his vertebrae snapped.

Another hand snapped Petty’s neck, sending the word—bees off to no one in particular.

The cat picked up the discarded meatstick, followed the corpses—two ambulatory, two not—out the back door of the shop.

–30–

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Tipsy Lit

Today's entry is a non-fiction piece, so no prompt. (Word count: 253)

* * * * *
I’m joining a writers’ community known as Tipsy Lit. TL has an irreverent attitude when it comes to reading and writing and a liberated spirit when it comes to, well, spirits. Because I teach high school students and I don’t want them making unwise decisions with alcohol before age 21, I herewith present five ways you can enjoy all the wonders of drinking without consuming a drop of booze.

Lowered Inhibitions:
At the party drink chocolate milk. It’s fun and you don’t really care what anybody thinks, do you? See, lowered inhibitions already. Be a slightly more creative and imaginative version of yourself.

Tipsy:
Drink chocolate milk. A lot. Go on, binge. Then spin around for two minutes. Bloated, dizzy, possibly gassy depending on your lactose tolerance. Fun, ain’t it?

Puking Drunk:
Same as Tipsy, but stop spinning a minute in to swallow a spoonful of ipecac. Then keep spinning for as long as it takes. Mind the furniture and knick-knacks. Isn’t drinking great?

Blackout Drunk:
Tipsy, but at the top of a flight of stairs. If you wake up at the bottom of the stairs with no memory of how you got there, you’ve done it right!

Intervention Time:
Puking Drunk at the top of a flight of stairs. Try this at grandma’s house on Thanksgiving for a holiday memory no one will ever forget.

Please bear in mind that the final four options are provided satirically. No one needs to vomit or fall down the stairs to have a fun time.

–30–