Tipsy Lit

Today's entry is a non-fiction piece, so no prompt. (Word count: 253)

* * * * * I’m joining a writers’ community known as Tipsy Lit. TL has an irreverent attitude when it comes to reading and writing and a liberated spirit when it comes to, well, spirits. Because I teach high school students and I don’t want them making unwise decisions with alcohol before age 21, I herewith present five ways you can enjoy all the wonders of drinking without consuming a drop of booze.

Lowered Inhibitions:
At the party drink chocolate milk. It’s fun and you don’t really care what anybody thinks, do you? See, lowered inhibitions already. Be a slightly more creative and imaginative version of yourself.

Tipsy:
Drink chocolate milk. A lot. Go on, binge. Then spin around for two minutes. Bloated, dizzy, possibly gassy depending on your lactose tolerance. Fun, ain’t it?

Puking Drunk:
Same as Tipsy, but stop spinning a minute in to swallow a spoonful of ipecac. Then keep spinning for as long as it takes. Mind the furniture and knick-knacks. Isn’t drinking great?

Blackout Drunk:
Tipsy, but at the top of a flight of stairs. If you wake up at the bottom of the stairs with no memory of how you got there, you’ve done it right!

Intervention Time:
Puking Drunk at the top of a flight of stairs. Try this at grandma’s house on Thanksgiving for a holiday memory no one will ever forget.

Please bear in mind that the final four options are provided satirically. No one needs to vomit or fall down the stairs to have a fun time.

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